THERE'S ALWAYS MORE THAN ONE VIEW ON THINGS

Any of you out there remember ALL IN THE FAMILY with Edith & Archie Bunker?

Watching the show, we observed the change in their relationship and their growth, especially in Edith. She portrayed a scatterbrained emotional woman, but she did have strength, and every once in awhile we had a glimpse of it.

There was one show that has always stuck in my mind. It was a scene where Edith was speaking to a tearful Gloria, her daughter, who'd had an argument with her husband, Michael. Edith said something along theses lines: "Whenever we fight, someone always says they're sorry, and Archie always says 'That's all right Edith.'"

Now, you can look at this in more than one way. At the time I felt that Edith was just weak for apologizing for everything even if she was not at fault. I thought that Archie strong-armed her into feeling guilty no matter what, and caused her to be submissive in this way. It really struck home when my mother remarked one time years ago that it reminded her of me. At the time I felt somewhat insulted. And I also realized it was true.

Through the years I have returned to this scene over and over again, pondering not only the words, but what was really being said. Well, after maturing (not growing older!) and experiencing life, I have seen this from another perspective. My heart became involved in how I saw this woman handle her approach to disagreements.

Edith did not apologize because she was afraid or feeling guilty or strong-armed into it. Edith realized that it does not matter so much if you win or lose, but how you play. She was not on any ego trip to prove her point and come out on top. But in the end, she was always on top. She showed that peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace in the family was more important than proving a point, more important than being right.

Edith did not need to prove she was right to be right. She did not need to have someone apologize to her to feel on top. She was a winner and the bigger person for taking the step to end a disagreement.

How many of us would back down?

How often have we stood our ground, felt anger and bitterness, because we wanted to win and have the other person say I'm sorry?

Isn't it good enough to know in our hearts that we can bring an end to hostility with a couple of words?

It is good enough for me.

And I thank Edith for her quiet strength.

WHY?

“Anyway,” she (God) whispers, wrapping me up in her tender but firm embrace, “the presence of pain doesn't indicate the absence of love. Often pain is present because of love. I also don’t remember promising anyone that there would be no crosses to bear. But don’t let that concern you either. I’m good with crosses. Together we can do this.” (excerpt from The Beauty of Ambiguity, by Paul Young-author of The Shack. Read entire piece at: http://www.windrumors.com/43/the-beauty-of-ambiguity-mystery/)

Not very many days go by lately where I do not think "Why is this happening to me, to us?"
When things become difficult in our lives, when problems seem overwhelming, when we always try to do right to others and then nothing seems to go right in our lives, we almost inevitably start to ask why.
I know God does not promise us perfect lives. He/She promises to love us, promises to walk with us. God promises to be there and help with the load we bear.
I would much rather God wave a staff (magic wands do not fit our Lord) and make my life easy. Oh, I do not need perfection, but would like to at least have my worry of losing our home taken away. If that stress is relieved I think I can deal with everything else. At least it would be easier.
Some evenings I think, "Lord, I have always tried to be a good person, always tried to do the right things and be kind and considerate of others. Why do I have to go through all of this?"
Six years ago I never would have imagined going through what trials we have been facing. Six years ago my husband was not seriously ill, he had been working with his company for about 20 years weathering four ownership changes, and we were doing well. I was even planning for when my parents got too old to care for themselves. We were going to buy a property with a few acres that had two homes on it so I could care for them and still let them have their independence and privacy. It would all be perfect. It was all planned.
Then my husband found out he had diabetes, began getting more ill, developed other medical problems, and 2 years ago he lost his job. His emotional state began to decline along with his physical state. Our lives drastically changed. My world of 'happily ever after' began to erode.
We never expect these things. And when they happen, we go through so many emotions--shock, fear, sorrow, grief, anger, depression, embarrassment, frustration, worry--so many emotions over and over again. And now in these economic times, many people are dealing with problems, many financially based. But knowing this does not diminish our feelings.
I hear from friends, relatives, and my pastor that God is there for us, to let go and let God, to lean on Him and allow Him to help with the load. But it is not as easily done as it is said. I do have faith, and I pray. But then I have moments of feeling alone, fearful and worried . I then feel so far from God, so distant and forgotten. And faith falters.
I am sure I am not the only one having these difficult experiences and feelings and doubts. And I wish having complete faith was easier.
I try to handle one day at a time, to take things in baby steps rather than leaping upon them like a cowboy on a bucking bronco. If I did that I would be trampled. So each morning I say to myself, "I just have to get through today. I will do tomorrow, tomorrow."
Once in awhile I slip and find myself worrying about next week or next month, and I have to remind myself I cannot handle more than one day at a time and worrying about the future only gains more worry.
And I keep busy. I go to my women writers group, go to work, go to poetry readings, go to parties, attend events at the college where I work, go to church, take nature photographs, write and try to fill hours so I do not have so much time to ponder problems.
Maybe that is how God has told me to handle things, I don't know.
But sometimes I wish God would scoop me up in His/Her arms, rock me like a baby, and sing soft lullabies.

EMBRACE THE RAIN

After the celebration of sunshine we had a taste of rain.
On campus I heard students and staff muttering complaints, yet here I was reveling in the steamy, sensual scent and the embrace of the moisture. I knew flora and fauna were lapping it up and regenerating, gaining vigor for new growth. Birds were playfully frolicking in fresh puddles, splashing like children. Streams and rivers pleasured in the melodies played upon them by the raindrops. Sparkling dew decorated leaves and flowers like dazzling diamonds.
And I, I closed my eyes, breathed in the balmy scent and recalled passion.