Saturday, February 4, 2012


I wish I could ask God to show me what will happen in my future, to allow me to bargain for changes, and to remove all the potholes and stones along the path I walk in life.  The fear of the unknown is so overpowering at times and can hinder moving forward. When life is filled with fears, difficulties and no easy solutions, I plea for God to fix it all.  I get so exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually with the complexities I am facing.  I keep saying to myself that I have tried to always been kind and considerate of others, to be caring and loving, to be supportive and open.  I have been a good person.  So why?  Why has my life been tumbled upside down and dumped in the mud?  Why has my soul mate become a stranger whom I fear?  Why has the person I have loved for 36 years become a stranger? Why am I facing so much loss in my life?  Why?
We all have often asked WHY.  So many face so much sorrow, worry and grief.  I am sure that the word WHY has flown to God many times in prayers. 
I want to bargain with God, to ask him to fix things, to make it all better, and  ask him to tell me what he wants from me.  I feel so weak.
Here I am, almost 60 years old, and my future seems so bleak and frightening.  I know things must change, yet that change is like stepping out of a hot air balloon and hoping the clouds will hold you.  It is hard to have faith that the clouds will bear your weight.
I am trying, Lord, I am trying.


  1. Wow, Rose. The last few times I've seen you, I've thought, "She looks really good: happy, energetic, healthy." Little did I know.

    My writing classes and I have been talking and writing about fear. We've been admiring stories of poeple who endure and face their fears. I have to be honest and admit that I most often want to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich (if they really do that).

    Some students wrote that life doesn't give you anything more than you can handle. That's probably true, but it's not like you need this challenging time to prove how strong you are.

    I'm sorry life's scary and exhausting right now, but I'm glad you get up and face it each day. You help a lot of people at the college, and you're teaching your blog-readers some powerful lessons.

  2. My heart goes out to you, Rose. I wish I knew why such sorrows come to good people. You are a wonderful person and many people call you friend. You will get through this and your passage will light the way for those who follow and ask "Why." I don't know the answers but I believe in you.

  3. I wish I had some words to comfort you. May you dwell in peace no matter what goes on around you.

  4. Even through all you are handling and facing, I have seen you continue to smile for others, help and reach out. You are such a good, kind person and I pray for you.

  5. Even through all you have gone through, you have continued to reach out to other, myself being one of the wonderful recipients of your warm hugs and comforting words. I could not have gotten through some of my difficult times if it weren't for you being there to listen and care.
    Thank you Rose