COPING WITH KINDNESS

I have spoken to a couple friends who have dealt with similar situations like mine--coping with a loved one who has dementia or Alzheimer's.  It is not easy to see someone you love slowly fade from you, slowly become someone you barely know.  The three of us recently lost our loved ones, and our sorrow is bittersweet.  Essentially we lost them a while back, and maybe some of the mourning began then. 
It is sad to see someone you loved, adored and cherished slowly become a stranger.  They become quick to anger, less kind, forgetful, paranoid, threatening, and have odd behaviors.  Some days they may seem okay, may spend some time with you that seems so good. It is even treasured!
 Other days they might be screaming or accusing.  It hurts to know that the person you love is drifting off into shadows.  Sometimes you look at them and see how they used to be--see the smiles, hear the laughter, feel the tender touch--and you want it all back.  

It is not easy to stay calm and patient.  When my husband would be screaming at me, I would bite my tongue.  I knew it would do no good as it was the illness screaming, not him.  But it still hurt.  When he would scream 'I hate you' I hollered back 'I love you.'   You learn to become a very patient person. 

When they die, you feel sadness and relief.  The mourning I experienced as I watched him drift into the fog of frontal lobe dementia was so different from the experience afterwards when he passed.  

But instead of dwelling on the difficulties of the past 6 years of the illness, I began to start to dwell on the many good years.  I sifted through photographs and recalled each memory of the time it was taken.  Sounds, scents, feelings, drifted to me.  I heard his voice and laughter.  I saw his big smile and the glimmer in his blue eyes.  I felt him.  It was so good, Yes, it brought tears, but they were good ones.  And it also brought smiles to know I always have the memories. 

Today I found a few old letters and cards to each other and as I sat reading them, I laughed and cried and gave thanks for having had the blessing of his love. 

Clay and I shared so many experiences through the years prior to his illness and those far out weigh the bad ones.  
I had made a pledge to him--first when we were married, and second when we found out about his condition and he asked me to never leave him. I did my best to care for him while watching him fade.

I am thankful to have had his love and to have shared his life.

I hope my friends will come to feel the same way about their difficult times and losses. I hope it for their sake.

HOW TO HOLD THE LADIES UP

When I was young I remember my mother teaching me how to put on my first bra.  She told me to put the bra on backwards,  fasten the hooks in the front, turn the bra so the it faced right, then lean over and arms through straps and adjust as needed.  I always thought the leaning over thing was so unnecessary, and it was...then.  NOW as I have aged I learned why, but being so petite then, I just thought she was odd.  Now I definitely need to lean over and coax the "ladies" into their proper positions even though they protest and continue to do so all day! 
For one thing, I have never (at least not since "developing" some time in my 30's) had a well fitting bra.  My bras have always left me tugging, adjusting, and uncomfortable.  A man named Sigmund Lindauer from Stuttgart-Bad Cannstatt, Germany developed a brassiere for mass production in 1912 and patented it in 1913, but they say women in ancient Greece wore them as well in another version. I consider them torture devices.
When I was young and dainty (no comments about being small) I could fore go the bra and it didn't much matter.  As I developed (after turning 30) I realized that they were becoming necessary.  In the evenings, I was always eager to set the ladies free and sigh in relief.  Now each night when I set them free and lay down, each runs to the opposite side of me!  I think they have become greatly disenchanted with each other.  And after I rise each morning and begin my day, daring to be bra-less for a little while, they both continue to sleep using the top of my tummy as their pillow. Not a sight to be shared!
Anyways, has any of you EVER had a perfectly comfortable, well-fitting bra? 
My sister-in-law, far more blessed up front than I, has also suffered for many years, and, as many of you blessed (?) women have (you with teeny titties will not understand).  She finally went to someone who makes bras for the individual and says it was the greatest event in her life!  She says each costs $35-$40 but she feels it was the best spent money EVER!!  As she told how amazingly comfortable her new bras are, how she no longer tugs and adjusts them, I began to imagine me skipping along in one fit just for me.  I could never do it in the bras I have, and to be honest, at my age skipping is just a word and not an action.
I have sought to find someone who does make the magical bras for women but no luck.  So, if anyone can suggest a good bra maker in or near Oregon City, PLEASE let me know!!
I would love to have one that feels comfortable, holds the ladies up in their proper positions, no longer has me tugging at them and makes me feel like I am bra-less!!!!

SHOWING YOUR FAITH

When I was driving home after church and lunch with friends, I spotted a young man walking slowly, arms outstretched to his side, eyes gazing upward.  I slowed as I approached and rolled my window down.  He was singing to God!  I did not recognize the song from what little I heard as I passed, and maybe it was a song he was creating in the moment. 
What I found moving was the fact that he was not inhibited in giving praise. He did not think, "I should be quiet as others may think I am crazy."  He followed his feelings in that moment to give thanks to his Lord.
It touched me.
How often do we avoid even speaking of our beliefs, our Lord, afraid we might be judged.  Why should we be fearful to be judged as religious,  "Jesus freaks," Bible thumpers?
Why should we avoid sharing our faith, living our faith?
I plan to be more open more often as to my love of Jesus, of God.  I am always thankful, but now I hope to make others be thankful as well. 
Maybe I can help them to see and appreciate the world God gave us by using my photography?
By being compassionate, caring and sharing maybe I can be an example for others to lead a Christian life?
It doesn't matter that others judge us, for the only judgement that should mean anything to us is that by God.