Friday, November 16, 2012


My husband, Maxwell Clayton Lefebvre, passed into God's arms Saturday, November 10th, at 5:15 a.m.
He was 56 years old.  This song by John Denver is for him.


I woke today and mourned,
recalled memories of the day we gazed
into each others eyes, and, reciting our vows,
devoted ourselves each to the other,
hands clasped tightly together.

I recall campfires, games, a thieving squirrel,
many shared experiences in peaceful surroundings;
remember how you swooped me into your arms
to carry across the threshold of our first home.
I laugh recalling the baby skunk experience,
smile as I picture the first time we met
our son as you tenderly touched his hand
and held mine.
I remember many moments treasured
only by me, memories which flash by,
scrolling through my mind,
memories filled with joy, laughter, love
and also tears and hurt.
I can almost hear your voice singing,
smell the campfire, and feel
our shared serenity.
I embrace the moments,
appreciate their comfort.
Adieu, mon amour.


  1. Oh Rose, I'm so sorry. What a fine-looking fellow he was. I hope you will always cherish those wonderful memories described in your poem.

  2. My thoughts are many. My words are few. May God carry you in His arms.

    1. He is peaceful now and no longer suffering.

  3. Oh, Rose. He was a lovely man, wasn't he? And you loved each other. How wonderful, to love. And how painfully wonderful, to miss him.

    I send you a hug.


  4. My deepest sympathies, he looked like someone who deeply enjoyed life.

  5. Oh, so nice to see photos of Clay young and healthy! This is a gift when our loved ones with dementia pass, that we're able to remember them as they were before the disease. The sad later days can gradually be replaced by the happier, earlier memories of when they were themselves, hale and hearty.

    You're in my thoughts, Rose!

    1. Those memories of us sharing so much are wht I will remember.

  6. What a wonderful tribute to your husband. You were such a handsome couple...gazing back on those happy days will bring tears but perhaps healing and a renewal of love in a better place. Thank you for sharing. Alice

    1. He was so handsome and loved nature and the outdoors as much as I do.

  7. DEar Rose, I've read many of your older posts and had come to understand the difficulties and heartache of your present life. The tribute you have put together here is truly beautiful. What a wonderful and exciting start you shared together. So many happy memories mingled with the heartache.
    Please know I am thinking of you with all my heart.

    1. Thank you so much. The thoughts are appreciated.

  8. Rose, I studied the photos over and over again, imagining how happy you two were. I had tears in my eyes, even though I never met him. What beautiful memories you have. I'm so sorry he's gone. Carol

    1. I do have wonderful memories of so much we shared, That helped me through the difficult times of these last few years.

  9. Rose,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I asked about you at the reading by Ursula LeGuin. Take care and I hope to see you soon.

    David R.

  10. That's a beautiful little memorial, Rose. I'm sure Clay would appreciate it. I never met him, but if he made you happy then he must have been a good man. I pray that he finds a good home in heaven, that the Lord comforts you in this time of sorrow, and that, when the time comes, you and your husband are reunited again, nevermore to be parted.

    And if I may be of some help, Rose, do let me know and I'll do what I can.

    My best wishes and deepest condolences to you,


  11. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Thinking of you. Love, BettyJean

    1. I wanted everyone to see the wonderful side of him.

  12. Dear Rose,

    Pam called me to let me know of Clay’s passing. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Please feel free to e-mail, call, or even old fashioned write a letter. There’s not much I can really do being in Orange County, but lending an ear can sometimes help.
    Peaceful condolences.
    Sandy S.

    1. Thank you Sandy. I will let you know of the memorial in s. Calif. in February that his family is planning.

  13. Rose I'm so sorry to hear that. Please accept my families condolences on your loss. I have lost my sister, mother and father. As I tell everyone who has lost someone, its never easy and never any fun. Death of a loved one is a long lasting blow that only hurts less with time. I'll be here when you're ready to talk and share again. John Lefebvre

  14. Dear Rose,
    I am so sorry to hear about your husband. If there is anything that you need please do not hesitate to call or email.
    again, my condolences.

  15. Dearest Rose,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. We know Clay is in a better place now and is no longer suffering. As difficult as it's been these past few years I know you will miss him greatly. I pray for your peace of mind Rose. Know that you have many friends who are thinking of you.

    God bless you.

  16. Rose,

    I just learned from Beth of your husband's death and wanted to say that you have my deepest sympathy. She said he had had a long illness. I hope there is at least some small comfort in knowing his struggle is over.

    Knowing your love of poetry, I want to share a few lines I wrote recently:


    When those we love die and are buried or burned
    We never see them again. But what we have learned
    Of all that they were stays with us. It survives
    And repeats and repeats to the end of our lives.
    So that absence of presence, that presence of absence we see
    Is both the death and also the birth of possibility.

    I think of a question I would ask my mother
    But she’s not there to ask..
    Before this moment I had not missed her, had not thought
    Today about the empty space on earth she used to occupy.
    But there it is again, or still, filled full with emptiness.
    The page erased, it now stands blank.

    No longer what it used to be, but, like the uncarved stone,
    Full of possibility of things as yet unknown.
    Everything that I have known of all that filled that space
    Becomes the seeds and compost of tomorrow’s human race.
    We build upon the blankness that death leaves in its wake.
    A blank map full of choices of paths that we may take.

    Ron Stone

    1. Such a nice poem Ron. Thank you for your condolences.

  17. My dear friend, Rose,

    My sincerest condolences. What a beautiful tribute to a handsome, wonderful man and to your life together before his illness. Keep these memories out in front, and the more recent ones in your deepest pockets.

    Keeping you in my heart and mind,


    1. Thank you Beth. I so appreciate your friendship.

  18. I am sending you a huge virtual hug right now! I will hold you in my prayers! I know you will mourn for the husband you married. At the same time, I pray God bless you with a strong sense of His presence and comfort--and with His everlasting peace. For now Clay is no longer struggling with his poor health and no longer has to feel angry and fearful in his confused state. He is no longer seeing "through a glass darkly" and can understand how loving and supportive you have been all these years.
    I am glad you had dear friends with you to support you through this incredibly difficult and emotional time. You have many friends lifting you up in prayer now.

    1. Thank you Rita. I will return to work Monday as cannot afford to stay out long. See you then.

  19. Dear Rose, It's so amazing to look upon those pictures and appreciate what you and your husband had shared through life. I know how you are hurting now--a piece of you has been severed from your very being. I can tell you that time will eventually heal this amputation, but I know that won't seem real for a long time to come. Just know that prayers of love surround you and take what comfort you can in the love of those who share memories of him with you.


  20. Kathie Hughes KenwayNovember 16, 2012 at 6:38 PM

    So sorry to hear the news, Rose. It's always hard to understand that someone is not here physically anymore, even if the last years have been troublesome.

    I'm glad you posted the photos so others can see the love you two shared. I hope your good memories bring you comfort.


  21. A lovely tribute to Clay, Rose. Only you could write it so well. Enjoyed the pictures. Bless you.

  22. I wanted everyone to see how wonderful and handsome he was for so long.

  23. Dearest Rose,
    Just flitting by my dear to let you know I have been thinking of you so much over the past couple of weeks.
    I so hope that the comfort and support of your dearest family and friends is giving you the strength to cherish the days behind and to face the days ahead.
    Always in my thoughts
    R. x

  24. Rose, this post is so touching! It has brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. I love all of the pictures. You two were the cutest little hippie love children! Reminds me of some of hubby and I pics. The poem you wrote is so beautiful. I'm sure that he is smiling down on you. You will be in my prayers. Holidays will be difficult. Know that there are people who love you. Wish you were close so that we could sit and talk. I would gladly wrap my arms around you my friend!

    1. Thank you for the virtual hugs. I appreciate your kind words.

  25. Just got the notice you sent. So sorry for your loss. One day at a time helped me through some hard times.
    Your cuz, Carrol O.

    1. Thanks cousin. I know you know how it feels.

  26. My thoughts are with you! You are such a strong and loving person. Mary K.

  27. The Obituary was very nice and I’m sure as time passes you will be able to remember the good times and smile.
    Judy C.

  28. A beautiful post and tribute to your love. Take time to grieve, remember and smile for the life you shared.

    1. It will take time and I will always remember those good times.
      Thank you

  29. Hi Rose,
    What a lovely tribute to a well loved man, I see the love in both your eyes. The picture of Clay holding your son dressed in their tux's is adorable.
    I am so sorry for the sadness, be kind to yourself, take it slow, wrap yourself up in the goodtimes.
    Big Hugs,

    1. Thank you. We had wonderful years before he became ill and the dementia set in. No one can take away those memories.

  30. Rose, these pictures tell such a story. Until recently, I hadn't seen any photos of your husband. I'm so sorry about all the heartache you've been through. I'm glad you have so many good memories of Clay.

  31. Rose, my condolences to you on the loss of your husband. So sad. Especially the sadness and struggles for both of you during his last years. Now you are free to cherish the memories of the young man he once was. From the photos it looks like there was love and lots of good times. You can honor him with your creativity.

  32. The Obituary was very nice and I’m sure as time passes you will be able to remember the good times and smile. Judy C.

  33. Even though I don't personally know you I am sorry about your loss. Hugs.

  34. So sorry to hear about your loss, Rose. We've had a few elderly family members who have had dementia and it is so sad to 'lose them' before they pass on.

  35. You really have a lovely blog. It's so difficult to picture in words the complexities of life, joy and sorrow and in between. Jeanie B.

  36. We are so sorry to hear about Clay's passing. We will remember him and Bonnie as a couple of the special ones we are fortunate to get to know by working here. We will miss them both. :) happy

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