now 64 as of July 24th, where I spent my birthday in a rehabilitation center, I feel old. These last 3 months of recovery from a bad fall, knee replacement surgery, and trying to gain back muscle loss/strength loss, has left me OLD!
In my head I always pictured myself around 23, always felt like everyone was older than me, always kept active, and enjoyed venturing out. I would take my friend Camera, head off to a flower gardens, or hike a park, or drive for something to photograph and later share. Sometimes I would go on "the hunt" for a little treasure at a garage sale, yard sale, barn sale, thrift store, or antique shop. It was fun even if I did not get a thing.
Now being so weakened, I struggle to stand for long, or walk much or even sit! Doctor says "muscles atrophied" so it will take time to regain my strength. I wasn't this way before. But three months of being laid up sure does do a job on the body! I am so anxious to get up and go. Physical therapists and the doctor tell me I cannot go out alone. I must have someone with me, as it might end up with a fall. I will sit at the window and watch neighbors headed out, wonder where they are going, want to go and do SOMETHING besides be at home. I think I am going stir crazy! Maybe one day a friend will come by and find me seated in the shower babbling insanely about wanting to have wings to fly.
I would love to go to lunch at Bugatti's and savor the Chicken Parmesan! Or eat lunch at the Mongolian BBQ and enjoy lamb and noodles and wonderful seasonings! Mmmm!
I would love to sit under a large shade tree and enjoy a picnic and laughter and music.
I do enjoy my yard and it is such a blessing. I can close my eyes, savor the sweet air, listen to chirping feathered friends, feel the soft caress of the breeze. It is relaxing.
But sometimes I feel that wanderlust and urge to take off, even if just to drive around aimlessly and discover a cool older home, or lovely park or a field filled with horses or cows or sheep. Through the years of my marriage with my husband, Clay, we would often head out for weekend drives, me enjoying the scenery, both of us singing along with James Taylor or John Denver, enjoying freedom.
Since he died, I still enjoy journeys, often feeling him with me, and taking notice of the world. I am so eager for that again!!
I know I need to be patient, I know I am not strong enough to be alone to do those things, but oh, how I want to go...