COPING

It is so difficult caring for a loved one who has dementia.  At times they can seem like normal, like they used to be, and you push the reality back in your mind pretending it does not exist.  But it does, and its effects seem to always be a shock even though you have read all about it and know what is to be expected.  I have to constantly remind myself that this is not him who is cursing, calling me names, and saying hateful things. I remind myself that it is the disease. Yet I will find myself thinking or saying, "Why is he doing this?"  It is so hard to face.  Especially when you love that person.
I was speaking with a counselor about it and she told me that the person affected by dementia will often turn against the closest person to them, the main caregiver, who usually is a spouse or a son or daughter.  They can become so cruel in what they say.  They become paranoid and will accuse the caregiver or doctors or nurses of many things.  Foul language becomes common.  Most watch television all the time and will confuse their life with story lines from television shows. 
What is most heartbreaking isn't all the cruel words, name calling, suspicions, and accusations.  The most heartbreaking thing is seeing that person slowly dissolve, slowly melt into the disease.  You know what they used to be like and it is hard to say good bye to that person.  Hard to watch the fading away.