now 64 as of July 24th, where I spent my birthday in a rehabilitation center, I feel old. These last 3 months of recovery from a bad fall, knee replacement surgery, and trying to gain back muscle loss/strength loss, has left me OLD!
In my head I always pictured myself around 23, always felt like everyone was older than me, always kept active, and enjoyed venturing out. I would take my friend Camera, head off to a flower gardens, or hike a park, or drive for something to photograph and later share. Sometimes I would go on "the hunt" for a little treasure at a garage sale, yard sale, barn sale, thrift store, or antique shop. It was fun even if I did not get a thing.
Now being so weakened, I struggle to stand for long, or walk much or even sit! Doctor says "muscles atrophied" so it will take time to regain my strength. I wasn't this way before. But three months of being laid up sure does do a job on the body! I am so anxious to get up and go. Physical therapists and the doctor tell me I cannot go out alone. I must have someone with me, as it might end up with a fall. I will sit at the window and watch neighbors headed out, wonder where they are going, want to go and do SOMETHING besides be at home. I think I am going stir crazy! Maybe one day a friend will come by and find me seated in the shower babbling insanely about wanting to have wings to fly.
I would love to go to lunch at Bugatti's and savor the Chicken Parmesan! Or eat lunch at the Mongolian BBQ and enjoy lamb and noodles and wonderful seasonings! Mmmm!
I would love to sit under a large shade tree and enjoy a picnic and laughter and music.
I do enjoy my yard and it is such a blessing. I can close my eyes, savor the sweet air, listen to chirping feathered friends, feel the soft caress of the breeze. It is relaxing.
But sometimes I feel that wanderlust and urge to take off, even if just to drive around aimlessly and discover a cool older home, or lovely park or a field filled with horses or cows or sheep. Through the years of my marriage with my husband, Clay, we would often head out for weekend drives, me enjoying the scenery, both of us singing along with James Taylor or John Denver, enjoying freedom.
Since he died, I still enjoy journeys, often feeling him with me, and taking notice of the world. I am so eager for that again!!
I know I need to be patient, I know I am not strong enough to be alone to do those things, but oh, how I want to go...
That is hard to be stuck at home; is there someone you can ask to take you out on a drive? Or drive you to lunch, you could treat them? I hope your muscle strength returns soon.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your'e doing great. keep up the therapy, it works.
ReplyDeleteLowell
Regaining strength does take time! I know from having my arm in a cast for 9-11 weeks and having unused muscles atrophy. Therapy was painful, but it worked. I'm not like I was before, but I am able to use my arm and hand, and I am thankful for that.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, keep doing your therapy, and one of these days you'll be back out doing things you enjoy.
Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady
It is hard to sit at home when your mind and spirit want to get up and go! but just think how far you've come since that initial fall...you're more than halfway there! Keep up the exercises and you'll soon be able to travel on your own again! Alice
ReplyDeleteI can't truly say I understand,because I have never been in your situation.I do however,understand your desire to get out.It must be hard to wait for healing.One thing sure,you are not old,this is a bump in the road and you will once again get out and do those things you love to do.
ReplyDeleteOh, I do hope this time goes fast for you, Rose! It will seem forever, but you will get there, little by little. My Sis-in-law had both hips replaced (at separate times) and now she is better than ever and back to the way she used to be, but without the pain. Same for a friend who had double knee surgeries. Follow those Dr.s orders and do your rehab religiously. Sending hugs xo Karen
ReplyDeleteDear Rose, I know it must be terribly hard. I certainly get cabin fever and have to be outside. Stay positive and you can do it girl!! I will pray for your strength to return. I know how much you must miss your camera. You will get better!!
ReplyDeletehugs,
Jann
How hard on you! Hope you can get out and about safely soon.
ReplyDeleteI understand how eager you must be to wander around again. But resting is very important for the body and muscle don't rebuild in one day! I'm sending you a dose of patience!
ReplyDeleteRose you all ways give me love and support as to everyone else unconditionally to all of us. It's your time to receive. Soak up this strength and love and you will heal happy and healthy. Love you Rose. Sherri
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